when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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