Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
