when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
