I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
