mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
