Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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