Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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