my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
