No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
