Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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