So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
