And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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