so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
