the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's the barista slut.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
