I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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