No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
