He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
