you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
