I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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