her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
