that's an acceptable place to lick
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
