i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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