Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
