Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
