I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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