Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
