when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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