I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
