I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
