Plan B is the new Plan A
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
