Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize