We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
