Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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