That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize