i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
