ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
