how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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