yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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