we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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