my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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