Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
