You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
