It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
