dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize