I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
