he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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