She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
