My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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