You really coming over, don't trick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
