Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
