Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
