I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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