if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
