Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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