Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
