I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
