I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who died my cat blue again?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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