In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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