Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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