Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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