I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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