please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
