Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
