dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
