Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
