You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
