Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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