Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
