what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
