I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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