so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
