What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
