Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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