I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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