Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
