watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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