there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
