If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Farmville is her only friend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
