the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Drunk is not a location!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
