I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
