Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize