I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
