the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
