You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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