Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
