Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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